And Then There Were 5

Unbeknownst to us at the time, there were actually 5 of us in this picture, not 4.

Baby #2, currently the size of a peach, is due at the end of July. That’s right, I’ll be big and super pregnant during the hottest time of the year, counting down the seconds until I can get momentary relief (between contractions) in the ac’d hospital.

There have been a few differences with this pregnancy. With Ryland, I had very mild, almost non-existent nausea which I only really noticed once or twice. I was definitely super tired during the first trimester with him, but my energy came back with a vengeance at week 13.

This time around, from weeks 6-9, I had pretty bad morning all-day sickness. As you know, I love my morning smoothies but during that time, I had to choke them down. Nothing was appealing to me and all I really wanted to eat for the most part was soup and crackers. I take a commuter train to and from work every morning which felt more like a roller coaster each day. A coworker of mine actually guessed I was pregnant before I even said anything because I was basically green in the face. My digestive system was also totally out of whack. I’d eat a small/normal amount of food and feel bloated, full and uncomfortable for hours after.

Thankfully that started to subside for the most part right around Christmas. It would’ve been really lame if I was too sick to indulge on turkey and cookies. I didn’t really notice any tiredness, other than the usual from staying up later than I should. If I was extra tired, my toddler kept me too busy to notice.

I’m in my second trimester now and aside from my pants getting tighter, I’m really not having any major symptoms.Although, if I get up too quickly, I get pretty dizzy and have to hold onto my desk or something close by for a minute, which is probably due to increased blood volume and low blood pressure. Other than that, I’m feeling good!

Symptoms aside, something else that makes this pregnancy a little different is that it wasn’t planned. It wasn’t a huge shock, but we kind of thought we’d wait a year-ish. And to be honest, a whole lot of panic and stress followed that positive pregnancy test. My main concern is whether or not I can finish school before baby comes. I have until September to complete the program but it will be a hundred times more ideal if I can get it done before the end of July. We also live in a small condo and will definitely need to upgrade…but those of you that know the Vancouver housing market also know that it’s kind of a huge nightmare. And lastly, there’s the financial aspect. Let’s be honest, kids ain’t cheap!

OK…and a possibly very irrational concern is that I just won’t love this baby as much as Ryland. I love that guy more that I could’ve ever imagined and I just haven’t figured out how it’s possible to love two people that much. But according to everyone it is, so I’ll just go with that.

OK, ok, one more. I also know what labor feels like now…!!!

With all that being said, we’re really excited. We knew we wanted a second child and while this may be a little sooner than expected, I feel extremely blessed. They’ll be close in age and hopefully best buds (when they’re not beating each other up). Poor Parker though, now he’ll have two kids harassing him all day! Ryland uses him as a stepping stool, a couch, a leaning post…whatever suits him.

My entire pregnancy with Ryland was pretty uneventful, up until delivery day. There was a whole lot of drama which has me a little concerned about round 2. But I’ve rambled on enough for today so I’ll get into that in my next post or shortly there after.

Thanks for stopping by and have a great day :D.

 

Pho Down Friday

!!!!!

The rest of the week isn’t soooo bad…but there’s just something about Fridays, right?? Ms. White seems to think so. And they’re followed by two whole days of WEEKEND :D.

You may have noticed that I changed things up a bit theme-wise. I have this thing where I get bored really quickly. I’m always moving things around at home, my desk at work, wherever I can, really. When I was a kid, I’d decide to turn my room upside-down and completely reorganize it from top to bottom. I’m talking drag my 4-poster iron bed from one end of my room to the other, take every single teeny bopper magazine picture down and tape them up in new spots…seriously, not one thing would stay in it’s original spot. I totally get it from my mom. Every time I go to their house, everything is moved around.

Anyway, that explains the one of many theme changes you’ll notice on here. Obsessive-compulsive-change-things-up-disorder.

I also cannot stand clutter and am getting seriously pumped for spring cleaning, FYI.

All I want to eat these days is pho noodle soup. I’d have it for lunch and dinner everyday if I could, which is funny coming from someone who just rambled on about always changing things. But it’s SO good, especially during the cold, rainy January we’ve been having. We go to a little pho restaurant by our house once every week or two (it’s the BEST), but yesterday I decided to get adventurous and make my own. I don’t eat red meat and didn’t have any chicken on hand, so I made a veggie version and just added sausage to Duncan’s, because he doesn’t understand the concept of eating a meal without meat.

I used this recipe from Oh My Veggies, but omitted the mushrooms because I just loathe them. There’s not much I won’t eat, but of those few things, mushrooms are definitely at the top of the list.

I didn’t snap any pics, because I just didn’t think to, so I’ll just borrow a few from OMV to make your mouth water.

Mine basically looked the same, minus the you-know-whats of course. And it was really good! I was pleasantly surprised, especially because I used straight-from-the-carton broth instead of homemade stuff. Even Duncan who is annoyingly picky and critical was impressed. And he’s used to the authentic stuff that his mom makes so that’s saying a lot.

30 Minute Vegetarian Pho (copied & pasted from Oh My Veggies)

Ingredients

• 64 ounces homemade or low-sodium vegetable broth
• 6 green onions, thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, peeled and grated
• Salt to taste
• 1 1/2 tablespoon butter
• 6 ounces shiitake mushrooms, tough stems removed
• 1 1/2 tablespoon hoisin sauce
• 2 teaspoons sesame oil
• 14 ounces rice noodles, cooked according to package instructions
• 8 ounces bean sprouts
• 2 jalapeño peppers, thinly sliced
• Fresh cilantro, basil, lime wedges, hoisin sauce, and chili garlic sauce or sriracha for serving

Instructions

1. In a large pot, combine the vegetable broth, green onion, grated ginger, and salt. Bring to a full boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 15 minutes.
2. While the broth is cooking, melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the mushrooms and sauté for about 6 minutes, or until tender, stirring frequently. Stir in the hoisin and sesame oil and cook until the sauce thickens and coats the mushrooms, about 1 minute more. Remove from heat.
3. Divide the rice noodles between four to six large bowls, then fill each bowl with the ginger broth. Add bean sprouts, sliced jalapeños, shiitake mushrooms, fresh basil, and cilantro and serve with lime wedges, hoisin, and chili garlic sauce.

I left in all the mushroom talk in case you don’t despise them as much as I do ;).

Alrighty, time to put my Friday party pants on. But first:

Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend!!

Whole Wheat Blueberry Oat Muffins

I decided to change things up from my usual banana-based weekend baking and made some of these instead:

I used the recipe from The Lean Green Bean as a base and made a few minor modifications. They turned out perfectly – bursting with berries, moist, sweet but not too sweet, and very much toddler approved. Little dose he know, I snuck a big old zucchini in there ;). They’re perfect for a quick snack or breakfast and were also insanely quick and easy to make, basically the most important factor according to me.

Whole Wheat Blueberry Oat Muffins (adapted from The Lean Green Bean’s recipe) ~ 12 muffins

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp coconut oil, melted
• 1 egg
• 2/3 cups organic, naturally sweetened vanilla yogurt
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 small to medium sized zucchini, finely grated
• 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 3/4 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 2/3 cup fresh or frozen blueberries, plus another 1/4 cup to place on top of muffins

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350° and either grease or line a 12 cup muffin pan.
2. Mix together coconut oil, egg, yogurt, vanilla & grated zucchini until well combined.
3. In a separate bowl, mix all dry ingredients together.
4. Combine wet and dry ingredients; mix well.
5. Fold in 2/3 cups blueberries.
6. Fill each muffin cup 2/3 full.
7. Gently press 2-3 blueberries on top of each muffin.
8. Bake 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in middle of muffin comes out clean.
9. Let cool for about 10 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

I made these on Sunday and put 1/2 in the freezer for safe keeping. That way i’m not tempted to finish a dozen muffins in half a day ;). The modifications that I made were omitting the sugar, using vanilla instead of plain yogurt (since I omitted the sugar), coconut oil instead of butter & the addition of a zucchini. I was a little worried that they would have that really flour-y taste that can come with using whole wheat flour, but they absolutely did not.

And here, because I just can’t help myself:

I could just take a bite out of those little legs. I won’t, obviously :D.

Have a great Tuesday!

Simple Ways to Move Your Butt

Hi there!

I discussed the importance of exercise in my last post, and it might have gotten a few eye rolls, but I hope it also offered some encouragement.

I understand that life is busy and that it can be really difficult to find the time to exercise. Between a 10 hour work day (which includes my commute), getting dinner and lunches ready, hanging out with my kiddo, walking Parker, cleaning the house….and ahem…watching The Bachelor, sometimes the last thing I want to do is work out. But I do it anyway. I look at it as a part of my schedule, just like brushing my teeth. And I feel much better because of it. There’s never a time when I’m like “dammit, I sure wish I skipped that workout!” It could also have something to do with my intense stubborn streak…I’m a Taurus so there’s that.

I’m making myself sound like some hardcore athlete/gym rat here which is totally not the case. Since Ryland was born, I actually only go to the gym about 3 days per week for an hour tops. I do a spin class on Monday nights and about 30 minutes of cardio + 15 minutes of resistance training mixed with a few pilates moves on the other 2 days. There was a time in my life that I was at the gym six days per week, 2 hours per day. I can guarantee that part of history won’t be repeating itself.

About once a week I take Parker for a 5k round trip hike close to our house. It’s quick and easy, but I always get my heart rate up and break a sweat. The other days mainly consist of lots of walking. And I am a FAST walker. I could never go for a leisurely stroll, my legs just won’t let me. I pop Ryland into the baby carrier for some of our walks to add resistance (26+ lbs to be exact!).

?

Point is, I move everyday. I take stairs instead of elevators and I walk at any available opportunity. To and from the train station, on my lunch breaks, around the office a couple times a day to stretch my legs. I get all twitchy if I sit too long. Sometimes I’ll just randomly do some squats. I used to do them while holding Ryland…but that’s getting a little too difficult these days ;).

Ok, ok, so now that I’ve covered what I do, let’s talk about what you can do!

• If you loooove vegging out in front of the TV, do jumping jacks during commercial breaks. Or sit-ups. Or squats. Or all 3.
• You can also do one or all of these things during bathroom breaks.
• If you have a set of stairs that is accessible to you, climb them once a day.
• Park your car at the far end of the parking lot.
• Put on music and dance!
• Follow workout videos on YouTube or buy your own.
• Walk, walk, walk. If your destination is within walking distance, walk there!
• Get a pedometer. You’ll be more inclined to move if you’re trying to reach a goal.
• If you work at a desk all day, write/set little reminders to get up and stretch your legs here and there.
• Love dogs? Thought about getting one? Do it! They’ll get you out walking everyday!
• Join something. Always wanted to try salsa? Yoga? Go for it! It all counts as exercise!
• Get a workout buddy. Encourage and motivate each other to stick with it.
• Explore the outdoors. Find local trails and hikes and get out there. There’s nothing better than fresh air and dirt under your feet. (Well, under your shoes).
• Live by the mountains? Go snowshoeing or skiing. Live by the water? Go for a swim. (Assuming the water is clean and warm-ish). I love swimming but I’m not a fan of public pools so I try to get to some nice lakes during the summer.
• Sign up for a walk/run for a good cause and start training for it.
• Get a trial membership to a gym. Give it a few sessions before you decide to sign up.

Once your start incorporating little bits of physical activity into your daily routine, it will get easier and easier and you’ll continue to add on to those little bits. You’ll start to feel better and that right there is one of the biggest motivators to continue moving. It’s never too early or too late to start. I also find that the more active I am, the healthier my food choices are.

I try to do bits of exercise in front of Ryland and I also make sure he gets outside everyday (unless it’s even too miserable out for Parker). One of my biggest mom goals is to make sure Ryland knows just how important it is to be active. When I was a kid, I was always outside. Rollerblading, swimming, riding my bike, playing soccer or softball, running around with friends. Sure I watched a bit of TV, but it was never my first choice and my parents made sure of it.

With all this being said, I’m also human and I definitely have moments or days when I’m just a lazy sloth. And we’re all allowed that once in awhile. If I go away on a tropical vacation, I do not step foot into the hotel gym. I say I will, but I don’t. You’ll find me on the beach or at the pool bar, thanks. With high-calorie margaritas and snacks in hand.

This was taken on our honeymoon in the Bahamas a few years ago. There was most definitely a Corona in front of me!

This post was meant to be encouraging and motivational…I very much hope that it was!

Have a great day :D.

 

Keep On Movin’

I’m reading a book right now called “Healthy at 100” and it’s opening my eyes big time. I won’t get into all the details because this isn’t a book club here, but i’ll talk a little about the emphasis it has on the importance of exercise.

I’m pretty active, not triathlon active, but I like to get out and move around. My usual exercise includes spin classes, hikes, dog walks/jogs, and a bit of weight/resistance training. I played soccer for a long time which was one of my absolute favorite activities, but unfortunately I injured my knee pretty badly so I’ve kind of had to “retire” on that front. I don’t work out 7 days a week, but I at least go for a brisk walk with Parker on “rest days.” When I was in my early 20’s, I did this mainly to lose weight and because I was terrified of gaining weight. And I exercised kind of excessively. It was zero fun and starting to somewhat rule my social life.

These days I exercise for a lot of reasons, none of which include an unhealthy obsession. I do it because it makes me feel mentally and physically good (thanks to a good boost in serotonin). I feel stronger, more physically capable, and relaxed. It gets me outside with Parker who is an awesome hiking/running/walking partner. There have definitely been points in my life where I was totally inactive and would be huffing and puffing after climbing a small flight of stairs. I don’t ever want to experience that again. So I get off my butt and MOVE.

I also exercise because I love to eat. Gotta burn those calories!

Ok but back to the book and what it’s teaching me and why everyone should keep on movin’, even if it’s just a little bit.

• It increases your metabolic rate (ability to burn calories) because muscle burns more calories than fat;
• It builds and preserves aerobic capacity (your body’s ability to process oxygen) which is hugely beneficial for the health of your entire cardiovascular system;
• It keeps your blood pressure low;
• It maintains healthy cholesterol levels;
• It strengthens your bones and can actually increase bone mineral density;
• It helps your body regulate its internal temperature; and
• It improves your blood-sugar tolerance which can greatly reduce the risk of developing Type II diabetes. This is especially important because blood-sugar intolerance can be one of the most devastating age-related changes.

Exercise can do these things at any stage of life. Whether your 19 or 90, it’s not too late. Studies show that physical activity can absolutely reverse a lot of the changes that come with aging (like the points listed above). There are certain parts of the world that have the longest living people and one of the biggest reasons that they’re full of vitality, youth and strength well into their elder years is because they remain active at all stages of life. Unfortunately, western civilization has created this stigmatism that ageing and deterioration go hand in hand, so members of society may expect to feel this way and assume that there’s nothing they can do. It absolutely doesn’t have to be this way. Seriously, get moving! If you’re the most sedentary person on the planet, start with a walk around the block once a week. Then twice a week. And so on and so on. We don’t all need to be running 20 miles a day and lifting 3 x our body weight. But we all need to do something.

Duncan can be a bit of a couch potato but I’m gonna keep on him about this. And I will most definitely make sure that exercise is a huge part of Ryland and any future kid(s) lives. They will NOT be spending all their time glued to some sort of screen. No way, no how.

I hope this didn’t come across as a lecture…but maybe it was a little dose of tough love for someone out there ;). As I’ve said in a previous post, I may discuss things I’m learning about here and there, partly because I feel it’s something that someone else might be interested to here and partly as a way to reinforce it into my own brain.

Have a good one!

A Touchy Subject ~ Part III

I wanted to write this post before Christmas because it’s pretty specific to the holidays, but better late than never!

During the peak years of my disordered eating, I loved and dreaded the holidays. On the one hand, there was always an overload of food to binge on. I could eat and eat (and eat) until I literally had no room left in me. But then I would make room. And do it all over again. I’m not kidding when I say this, but I had zero self-control. I was basically a robot that shoved cookie after cookie and chip after chip into my mouth. In my mind, there was no point in eating anything at all unless I was going to eat everything.

On the other hand, I dreaded knowing that I’d have to be really sneaky so that my family wouldn’t catch on. I couldn’t eat masses of food in front of them, because I honestly ate abnormal amounts. They’d wonder why I wasn’t 400 lbs! And it was embarrassing. I certainly wasn’t going to help myself to thirds and fourths while everyone else struggled through their second helping. So I would consume as much as I could at any opportunity when no one was around.

I also dreaded the whole “getting rid of it all” part. In a house full of people, the bathroom is a hot commodity. “Shannon, are you STILL in there?” Because you see, I had to make sure not one tiny scrap of food was left in me. That took time. And then my face would be red, my nose would be runny, and my eyes would be watery. I’d have to spend a few minutes cleaning myself up before facing anyone.

Frankly, it was a huge pain in the ass. But I’d go for Round 2 anyway. Maybe Round 3 if there was time. I’d feel increasingly guilty with each bite, especially during the holidays. There were starving kids all over the world and here I was, wasting huge amounts of food. I really did hate myself for that.

To be honest, all these years later I do have quick bouts of panic that are very reminiscent to my past when I eat more than usual. But they are tiny in comparison and they don’t come with the warped perceptions about food and my body that I used to have. They also serve as reminders of how lucky I am to have fought and won this battle.

The holidays should be something to look forward to, not fear. Thankfully, I do look forward to them now, knowing very well that I’ll indulge more than I should. But I also know that that’s ok. It’s not something I do on a daily basis and if I gain 1 or 2 lbs, that’s ok too. Food is meant to be enjoyed and I am so grateful that I can do just that.

It’s funny (ok… not haha funny), but I get a little choked up writing these Touchy Subject posts. It’s actually a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I fear that I’ll be judged or that readers will think that what I’m sharing is really inappropriate. I also can’t help but feel a little embarrassed, even though I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. But at the same time, I realize with each paragraph that I write, this is something I needed to do. I never went to therapy, (it never even crossed my mind to do so), and I never talk about it with friends or family. I guess I figured, “I’m ok now, there’s no need to talk about it.” Turns out, I really did. So thank you for listening. YOU are my therapy :).

You can check out Part I and/or Part II here if you haven’t already.

Have a great FRIDAY!!!

Holiday Highlights (and Lowlights…)

Hello & Happy New Year! I’ve been MIA for a few weeks which was not my intention. There were numerous times that I wanted to sit down and write something, but between an awful stomach flu, traveling, last minute Christmas shopping, and all the other holiday chaos, it just didn’t happen.

I had a couple of weeks off work which was awesome because it meant more time with Ryland and Parker. Unfortunately, the first few days of my holidays consisted of the worst stomach flu that I’ve had since I was a kid. I couldn’t eat or drink a thing but thankfully the worst of it only lasted about 36 hours. Even better, I was completely fine by Christmas Eve day.

We spent about 6 days at my parents house over Christmas. Visits with them always consist of lots of R&R for me since they’re obsessed with their grandson and keep him occupied pretty consistently. My grandma, uncle and little cousin came out for a few days too which was really nice. To say I indulged on turkey & sweet treats is an understatement :/.

We had a pretty relaxed NYE. A couple of our friends and their baby came over and we just hung out and rang in 2016 together (quietly due to sleeping little ones!).

Now it’s back to the grind. Ryland and I slept in lots over the holidays so it was a little rough getting up with the roosters yesterday morning. Ahhh January…everyone’s favorite month, I’m sure ;).

Work’s busy, school is busy, life is just plain busy. I don’t really make specific new years resolutions, but I do intend on always making family a priority over everything. We can get so consumed with life sometimes so it’s especially important to set aside time for the people you love everyday. I don’t ever want to look back and be disappointed with myself for not doing that. I catch myself scrolling through Instagram in front of Ryland which is personally just not something I want to be doing. I can see what’s going on in the not-so-exciting social media world when he’s in bed. I will never come across anything in the cyber world that is more important than time spent with my son.

Speaking of social media, I think it’s important to give ourselves a little reminder from time to time that we shouldn’t ever compare our lives to the lives of others as portrayed through the internet. I read a quote awhile back…”Comparison is a thief of joy.” I could not agree more. People glorify their lives and rarely post about financial, relationship or general downfalls. Myself included. I post pictures of a very happy toddler, not any of him having total meltdowns. I would never post a picture of Duncan and I in the middle of an argument.

We may look at someone’s life through social media and think “wow, everything is just so wonderfully perfect for them.” But that’s just not realistic and I personally think it’s very important to remember that, especially in a world where social media is becoming so dominant. I’m going to do my best to instill this “little reminder” into the minds of Ryland and any future child(ren) that I may have. My worst fear is to raise kids that feel inferior or inadequate in any way, especially because of what they are seeing or being told through the internet and any form of media. It terrifies me, actually.

I guess a general resolution I’ll make is to be the best version of myself that I can. Sounds cheesy, but I believe that to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend and so on, I need to take care of myself and work hard towards living a positive life. So that’s what I’m gonna do!

I hope you’re holidays were wonderful and left you with even better memories. I also hope that your 2016 is filled with lots of health, happiness & inspiration :).

 

 

A Touchy Subject ~ Part II

Hello & happy Friday & can you believe Christmas is in a week??!!! How did that even happen??? I’m ready-ish. Just a few more little things to buy (which i’m sure will turn into a lot of little things), and a few more cookies to bake. I have my work holiday party later today at a fancy restaurant that I could never afford to eat at otherwise, so that’s pretty exciting. And if we get a little break from the rain this weekend, I’m hoping to check out a couple of Christmas events.

OK, now onto a more serious note. You can check out A Touchy Subject ~ Part I if you want to get up to speed, as this post is a continuation from that.

I should probably mention how this all started. I was in grade 9 at the time. One night I made myself a bowl of ice cream with hot chocolate powder and Rice Krispies sprinkled on top. It was really good, so I decided to have another. A little while later, I went to have a shower but before I got in, I took a look in the mirror and for the first time, I saw a bunch of flab that seemed to have appeared overnight. I basically felt like a giant cow and I couldn’t believe I had let that happen to myself. And then I thought about the 2 bowls of ice cream I had just eaten and decided that it just couldn’t stay in my body. So, it didn’t. I remember thinking, “well that was easy.” And there you go. From that point on, for way too long, a vicious cycle had begun. In my mind, it was win-win. I could eat whatever I wanted but not get fat because I would simply get rid of the food.  And when I ate, I ate. Anything and everything in sight. I went back and forth between that and not eating anything at all and the weight just came flying off. I started to feel weak and sick, but it just didn’t matter.

It didn’t take long for friends and family to start commenting on my weight loss. Compliments quickly turned into concern, which was an even bigger compliment to me. One day, I went to the mall with my boyfriend at the time and I fit into a pair of size 1 pants. I was elated. My boyfriend basically said that I looked sick and gross, and as sad as it is, that made me happy.

It’s hard to believe that my body put up with that phase of my life. For a solid year at high school, my lunches consisted of a small bag of gummy bears and a can of diet coke. And nope, no breakfast to start my days. Even worse, I smoked cigarettes throughout high school and used them to curb my appetite on a very regular basis. I was consuming roughly 500 calories a day, sometimes less, which is way too low. Dangerously low. And those calories usually didn’t include an ounce of nutritional sustenance. But guess what? I was wearing size 2 jeans! Worth it, right? Not one little bit.

I had a part time job that I usually went to right after school which was great because I could get away with not eating dinner. I might have a few carrot sticks or rice cakes, maybe a plain bagel on a good day. If I happened to be at home, I’d sit down and eat dinner with my parents. Lots of dinner. Then I would sneak off after…and you know the rest.

I remember being at a friends party one night when I was about 15. Her parents ordered KFC for everyone and WOW did it ever smell delicious. Of course there was no way in hell I was going to let myself have any of the chicken, but I did give in and have one of the small little dinner rolls that came with it. I was SO mad at myself after. Seriously, just livid. I felt like a complete failure that had absolutely no self-control. When things like that happened, I would tell myself “ok, well tomorrow you have to make up for it,” and I’d basically eat nothing.

The farther I get in my nutrition program, the more I realize how lucky I am. There are so many health consequences that can result from eating disorders, both short and long-term, which for the most part, I was able to avoid. I deprived my body of the vital nutrition that it needed to keep me going, yet somehow it still didn’t fail me. I call that a miracle.

Thank you for tuning into Part II. As I mentioned before, writing about my disordered eating journey isn’t easy, but it’s good for me and I think it’s something that I really needed to do at some point, even all these years later. It’s helping me understand now what I couldn’t understand back then. A healing process that was a little delayed.

Have a great weekend and I’ll talk to you soon!

 

 

Weekend Things

For those of you who tuned into A Touchy Subject ~ Part I last week, you might agree that it wasn’t the most upbeat post. But, much like everyday life, it can’t all be rainbows and butterflies because that’s just not real. I plan on continuing to post on the topic every week or so because there’s a LOT to tell. And like I mentioned in the post, I know people out there can relate. I follow certain blogs strictly for that purpose; I feel like I can somehow relate to the author.

And also, thank you for tuning in, if you did. Every word was straight from the heart and 100% honest. Or better yet, Real Talk.

OK, onto some Weekend Talk. On Friday Ryland and I went to the happiest place on earth (IMO), Trader Joe’s. I LOVE that store and basically everything in it. So I bought basically everything in it…even though the Canadian dollar has seen better days :/. But their prices are low so I figure I still beat the system. If not there, then I still saved on gas!

But either way, I bought tons of my favorites, these being one of them:

Have you tried these??? If not, you just have to. They’re crunchy, delicious, basically guilt-free and just the best snack ever. Ryland and I ate the whole bag in one sitting and patted ourselves on the back after for eating so much green ;).

I also bought some stone ground tortillas and whipped this up:

I spread some garlic tomato sauce on the tortilla, sprinkled it with oregano and shredded Havarti cheese, and topped it with spinach and red onions. It went into the toaster oven at 375° for about 8 minutes and was consumed in half that time. I gave the kiddo some, positive that he’d peel off the spinach, but nope! It was a good  lunch. So good that this happened:

He’s literally asleep here. What a guy.

I baked some cookies too because ‘Tis the Season. I went with my favorite, Cake Batter Cookies. Not only because they’re delicious, but I’ll admit it, they’re SO easy to make.

I brought a bunch to a Christmas party on Saturday night and one of my friend’s called it “the perfect cookie.” I’ll take it ;). I’ve made these the last few years and always follow this recipe. Warning – don’t go to this website unless you’re prepared to drool heavily. Sally is a baking goddess.

What else can I tell you…well I won’t talk about how it was windy and rainy and miserable out for most of the weekend because that’s just depressing. We watched a couple more overly cheesy Christmas movies and as mentioned before, we went to a Christmas party at our friend’s house. An Ugly Sweater Party to be exact. It was really fun, especially because there were lots of kiddies there in ugly sweaters too. Ryland stayed up wayyyyy past his bedtime but he was just the cutest little party animal. He was pretty worn out on Sunday and spent some quality time catching up with his beloved elephant blankie.

Ok…I’ve talked your ear off enough today. I’ll see you in a few!

A Touchy Subject ~ Part I

My main focus of this blog is nutrition. I’m learning so much through my Holistic Nutrition Program, and I want to share it with you. Why? Because I believe we can all be healthy and happier, inside and out, with some good nutrition. I also believe it’s up to us to set healthy examples for future generations, which we can only do if we strive to be healthy ourselves. With that being said, it won’t always be recipes and nutritional tips & info that you find here. Sometimes things are gonna get a little real and a little raw.

It’s important that I touch on my past from time to time, not only because it’s a big part of where I am today, but also because I KNOW people out there can relate. I also know that being able to relate to someone who came out of a dark place and worked really hard to make positive changes in their life can make it a whole lot easier to do the same. It’s not always easy to believe in yourself. It can take a lot of ups and downs, trial and error, and self-doubt. But from experience, the harder you work, the greater the reward.

I battled with an eating disorder for close to ten years. Looking back, I was filled with so much denial. I just never saw myself as one of the typical girls that you would read about or see in a movie that had an eating disorder. I didn’t let myself believe it was real, but it was as real as they get. I felt weak, ashamed, embarrassed and guilty about what I was doing to myself, yet I just couldn’t stop. Being skinny was my only priority and unfortunately, that overcame how awful I felt mentally and physically.  And trust me, I felt awful.

This isn’t me, but it’s definitely how I spent a lot of time feeling. Eating disorders can completely distort how you see yourself.

One of the scariest experiences I faced throughout my disordered eating journey happened when I was in grade 10. I remember it so vividly. My best friend and I were outside playing in the snow like a couple of kindergarteners. It was late in the afternoon and I hadn’t eaten a thing all day. I started to feel increasingly dizzy and shaky until all of a sudden, I completely blacked out. It seemed to happen in slow motion and it was absolutely terrifying. I thought to myself “oh my God, am I dying???” Well no, of course that wasn’t the case, and the blackout lasted less than a minute. When I came to, my friend was really concerned and I just casually said “oh, I forgot to eat breakfast.” She insisted that we go back to her house and eat something. I agreed, only because I really didn’t want to black out again. It was embarrassing and I didn’t want her to call my parents.

We went to her house and she opened up a can of tomato soup. I figured I was pretty safe eating that. I mean it was basically just vegetable juice. But then she added cream instead of water and my anxiety level went through the roof. I knew I had to eat the soup to keep her from worrying, and I was still quite shaky, but it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. I hated myself more and more with each bite. I was convinced that I’d get fat from that one bowl of soup. I was mad at my friend too. Why was she trying to make me fat?? Didn’t she understand how hard I had worked to become skinny? Was she doing it on purpose? Was she jealous? No, of course not. She was being a really good friend and unfortunately, my eating disorder prevented me from seeing that.

Battling an eating disorder is like having a little devil on your shoulder, constantly whispering things in your ear like “don’t eat that! You’ll get fat! You’ll be prettier if you’re skinny! You’ll have more friends if you’re skinny! Everyone will like you more if you’re skinny!” And of course you have the angel on your other shoulder. She’s trying to tell you how dangerous what you’re doing is, but the devil just gets louder and louder until the angel disappears. I felt like I was in complete control of myself, while also having zero control at the same time. I was obsessed with the scale and absolutely miserable. My poor parents knew something was going on, but anytime they brought it up, I’d lash out at them and deny that I had a problem. I’d make sure that they saw me eat, all the while just waiting to get the food out of my body as quickly as possible. I hated food, and I hated myself. It was no way to live, but I just couldn’t escape.

I find writing about my history with eating disorders to be very therapeutic and also pretty scary. It puts me in a very vulnerable position but I’m so grateful that I was able to overcome such a difficult battle and for finally having the courage to open up about it. It’s not something that I’m ready to talk about out loud, but for now, this is enough. My hope is that someone out there who is going through a similar situation reads this and realizes that they’re not at a dead end. Health, happiness and self-confidence are a very real possibility. I’ll be back soon with A Touchy Subject ~ Part II.

XO ~ Shannon