A Touchy Subject ~ Part I

My main focus of this blog is nutrition. I’m learning so much through my Holistic Nutrition Program, and I want to share it with you. Why? Because I believe we can all be healthy and happier, inside and out, with some good nutrition. I also believe it’s up to us to set healthy examples for future generations, which we can only do if we strive to be healthy ourselves. With that being said, it won’t always be recipes and nutritional tips & info that you find here. Sometimes things are gonna get a little real and a little raw.

It’s important that I touch on my past from time to time, not only because it’s a big part of where I am today, but also because I KNOW people out there can relate. I also know that being able to relate to someone who came out of a dark place and worked really hard to make positive changes in their life can make it a whole lot easier to do the same. It’s not always easy to believe in yourself. It can take a lot of ups and downs, trial and error, and self-doubt. But from experience, the harder you work, the greater the reward.

I battled with an eating disorder for close to ten years. Looking back, I was filled with so much denial. I just never saw myself as one of the typical girls that you would read about or see in a movie that had an eating disorder. I didn’t let myself believe it was real, but it was as real as they get. I felt weak, ashamed, embarrassed and guilty about what I was doing to myself, yet I just couldn’t stop. Being skinny was my only priority and unfortunately, that overcame how awful I felt mentally and physically.  And trust me, I felt awful.

This isn’t me, but it’s definitely how I spent a lot of time feeling. Eating disorders can completely distort how you see yourself.

One of the scariest experiences I faced throughout my disordered eating journey happened when I was in grade 10. I remember it so vividly. My best friend and I were outside playing in the snow like a couple of kindergarteners. It was late in the afternoon and I hadn’t eaten a thing all day. I started to feel increasingly dizzy and shaky until all of a sudden, I completely blacked out. It seemed to happen in slow motion and it was absolutely terrifying. I thought to myself “oh my God, am I dying???” Well no, of course that wasn’t the case, and the blackout lasted less than a minute. When I came to, my friend was really concerned and I just casually said “oh, I forgot to eat breakfast.” She insisted that we go back to her house and eat something. I agreed, only because I really didn’t want to black out again. It was embarrassing and I didn’t want her to call my parents.

We went to her house and she opened up a can of tomato soup. I figured I was pretty safe eating that. I mean it was basically just vegetable juice. But then she added cream instead of water and my anxiety level went through the roof. I knew I had to eat the soup to keep her from worrying, and I was still quite shaky, but it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. I hated myself more and more with each bite. I was convinced that I’d get fat from that one bowl of soup. I was mad at my friend too. Why was she trying to make me fat?? Didn’t she understand how hard I had worked to become skinny? Was she doing it on purpose? Was she jealous? No, of course not. She was being a really good friend and unfortunately, my eating disorder prevented me from seeing that.

Battling an eating disorder is like having a little devil on your shoulder, constantly whispering things in your ear like “don’t eat that! You’ll get fat! You’ll be prettier if you’re skinny! You’ll have more friends if you’re skinny! Everyone will like you more if you’re skinny!” And of course you have the angel on your other shoulder. She’s trying to tell you how dangerous what you’re doing is, but the devil just gets louder and louder until the angel disappears. I felt like I was in complete control of myself, while also having zero control at the same time. I was obsessed with the scale and absolutely miserable. My poor parents knew something was going on, but anytime they brought it up, I’d lash out at them and deny that I had a problem. I’d make sure that they saw me eat, all the while just waiting to get the food out of my body as quickly as possible. I hated food, and I hated myself. It was no way to live, but I just couldn’t escape.

I find writing about my history with eating disorders to be very therapeutic and also pretty scary. It puts me in a very vulnerable position but I’m so grateful that I was able to overcome such a difficult battle and for finally having the courage to open up about it. It’s not something that I’m ready to talk about out loud, but for now, this is enough. My hope is that someone out there who is going through a similar situation reads this and realizes that they’re not at a dead end. Health, happiness and self-confidence are a very real possibility. I’ll be back soon with A Touchy Subject ~ Part II.

XO ~ Shannon

Halloween & 60th Birthday Celebrations

The cutest little cow I ever did see.

Moo.

We spent the Halloween weekend at my parent’s house on Vancouver Island, and what a great weekend it was. My mom & dad are just over the moon when they’re hanging out with Ryland. He can do no wrong in their eyes. Also, my mom puts chocolates on our pillows. Reese’s PB Cups for Duncan, Aero for me. Speaking of which, I ate every single mini Aero bar that Ryland scored while trick or treating…and I’m way too embarrassed to reveal the exact number. Never mind my dad’s birthday cupcakes, the waffles and whipping cream for breakfast, and a few (ok, more than a few) crisp apple ciders. But I worked extra hard at my spin class last night to get rid of some of the guilt and excess calories so I’m even. Yeah, sure thing.

On Friday we did some exploring and came across this little gem along the water:

There are so many beautiful lakes, beaches and trails on the Island (us British Columbians call it “The Island,” as if it’s the only island on the planet). And they’re never jam packed the way everything here on the mainland is. What do they say about life on the Island…”twice the fun, half the pace.” Totally true. I’m instantly in relaxation mode the second we get off the ferry. I sleep better, too. Must be something in the air.

We celebrated my dad’s 60th birthday on Saturday before heading out for some trick or treating with our little cow. We had these t-shirts made, which we all wore, and they were a pretty big hit.

It totally looks like Ryland on the shirts, but it’s actually my dad when he was 5 months old.

We had some ribs for dinner and cupcakes for dessert, (a HUGE hit with a certain toddler), and then my dad opened his presents. He got a bit choked up when he opened the little book that I made him. That’s saying something because I think my dad has cried twice in my lifetime, each lasting for about 12 seconds. I did good! And he loved Ryland’s finger-painted masterpiece. It went up on the wall immediately.

Now let’s go get some caaaaandy!!! I have the sweetest sweet tooth ever. I try to satisfy it with fruit as much as possible, but on Halloween, all bets are off. I’ll take ALL the Starburst & Skittles PLEASE.

Cowpokes

And this, my friends, is why you have kids.

There was a small pack of goldfish which we let Ryland have, but other than that, alllll ours. We won’t be able to get away with stealing all his candy next year so we took full advantage this time around. But before that, we let him sort through it all, and I had a huge proud mama moment. He was putting all the Smarties in a little pile off to the side! You’re probably thinking “ok….and???” But in my eyes that makes him a little sorting genius. *Gush.* Ok, enough.

The one downside of the weekend was that Ryland came down with another cold. I swear, ever since he started going to daycare, it’s one after another. I’m told that’s the way it is at this age, but still. I hate seeing him not feeling well. He was still his usual party animal self all weekend, but nighttime was pretty rough. We all know how hard it is to sleep when we’re stuffed up, but it must be a hundred times worse when you don’t know how to blow your nose. Breaks my heart. Our one saving grace is this stuff:

Abundance Baby Balm

It’s meant for diaper rash, but I also put it under his nose and on his chest and feet when he has a cold. It really helps him settle down and it has a very soothing smell, sort of like Vicks Vapo Rub. I love it because it’s all natural and the little tin we have is lasting forever. We also put a pillow under the top end of the crib mattress which seems to help a bit…but Ryland moves all over the place when he’s sleeping so it doesn’t last long. On Saturday night he slept on top of me for most of the night and it was heaven. My shirt was drenched from his sweat and I was in a really awkward position, but there’s nothing better than having your baby sleep on you. I wish it didn’t only happen when he’s sick, but I’ll take what I can get. Thankfully, our little guy is on the mend now, and maybe, just maybe we can go a whole month before the next cold :/. You wouldn’t even know he was under the weather with big smiles like this:

Alrighty, there’s laundry to be folded, a dishwasher to be unloaded, etc., etc., ETC., (it’s never ending!) so I better get to it. Have yourself a really great day :).

A Crafty Weekend

Hi! I hope your weekend was a great one. We went for a hike, hung out at the park, had a visit with some friends and did a little grocery shopping. We also got pretty crafty around here. Ryland had his first finger painting experience and I made a little something for my dad’s upcoming birthday. Being a toddler, Ryland puts everything in his mouth, so I had to make sure the paint was “edible.” I searched the good old internet for toddler-safe paint and ended up mixing a few drops of food colouring with sour cream. I was thinking that it might smell funny once it dried, but nope! Hopefully that doesn’t change. I put the kiddo in the bathtub with the paint and a couple of canvases and he got right to it.

 

He obviously had a little taste…apparently he does NOT like sour cream. I was going to use yogurt but he loves that stuff and I figured he’d end up eating it instead of painting with it ;). One of his masterpieces will be a birthday present for his grandpa and the other is already up on our wall. My little Picasso!

My dad is turning 60, so with some help from my good friend Pinterest, I put together this little booklet:

I bought a few sheets of pearly white card stock from Michaels and used a paper cutter at work to cut out 62 4″ x 4″ pages. I hole punched the top left corners and secured them all together with a metal ring/clasp that I happened to have in my craft box. I honestly don’t even know where it came from, but it was very handy for this project. I also bought a sheet of “dad” related stickers to stick on every few pages. Then I wrote out a list of all the reason I love my pops, picked my 60 favorite, and wrote one per page, plus a front and back page. Some are funny, some are cheeky, some are serious, but they’re all right from the heart. I thought it was a pretty cool way to let him know that he’s the best dad out there. In my opinion of course :). He’s not overly excited about turning 60, so hopefully our “artwork” makes it a little easier for him to enter a new decade ;).

I made some Cheesy Black Bean & Brown Rice Mini Muffins for dinner last night and they were a hit! I put a few in Ryland’s lunchbox for daycare and froze the rest so that I can take a few out here and there for quick lunches or dinners. They are a perfect toddler meal. Basically, all the rice actually makes it in his mouth and they have a great balance of fiber and protein. I’ll post the recipe on Wednesday in case you’re interested.

Enjoy the rest of your day :).